Last week and the weekend were a bit of a bummer. Not huge things but just enough to cause discouragement. In my real life (opposed to my anonymous blogging life) I struggle in connecting with a good many Christians in my church. I seem to connect better with Christians outside of my church. It doesn't seem it should be this way....this is my church family for crying out loud! Church often just feels like high school, with the cattiness and clicks. It really just turns me off to having any real Christian fellowship within my church.
There is one woman that I know that just really rubs me the wrong way, I just can't get to know her, nor do I really desire to. She's always appears to be friendly to others ,including me, but it seems only to be on the surface friendliness, at least this is the way I have seen it. It got back to me this week , that she had some pretty harsh things to say about my family....it hurt and reinforced my feelings about keeping certain others from church at arms length. I know I need to forgive her and overlook her offense. I feel I have...I'm not angry anymore and don't feel I'm holding it against her but in all honesty I just don't have any desire to have any real meaningful Christian fellowship with her. She's not knocking down my door either...actually from what she had to say...I get the impression she doesn't want much to do with us. Life is a struggle.....I wish I was better at seeing day to day life from an eternal perspective.
God is good though...yesterdays sermon was so touching and God spoke to my heart through it & I pray it spoke to hers. God really is a personal & living God, aware of our hurts. It's hard to imagine going through life without Jesus. I know life is not going to be easy, but difficult if you are a follower of Christ, but to know that you can count on Him and come to him whenever you want...brings such a peace. There are many times when I don't spend the personal time with the Lord, when I know I should. When will I learn that I'm only hurting myself....I'm missing out on much. Yet there are other times that I have an overwhelming desire, that comes out of nowhere, that I just can't wait for a quiet time to run to Him and be with only Him. It is such a secure and loving place to be.....like a little child wrapped up in the loving , strong, and secure arms of their daddy.