Monday, June 15, 2009

That's Just Life

Last week and the weekend were a bit of a bummer. Not huge things but just enough to cause discouragement. In my real life (opposed to my anonymous blogging life) I struggle in connecting with a good many Christians in my church. I seem to connect better with Christians outside of my church. It doesn't seem it should be this way....this is my church family for crying out loud! Church often just feels like high school, with the cattiness and clicks. It really just turns me off to having any real Christian fellowship within my church.

There is one woman that I know that just really rubs me the wrong way, I just can't get to know her, nor do I really desire to. She's always appears to be friendly to others ,including me, but it seems only to be on the surface friendliness, at least this is the way I have seen it. It got back to me this week , that she had some pretty harsh things to say about my hurt and reinforced my feelings about keeping certain others from church at arms length. I know I need to forgive her and overlook her offense. I feel I have...I'm not angry anymore and don't feel I'm holding it against her but in all honesty I just don't have any desire to have any real meaningful Christian fellowship with her. She's not knocking down my door either...actually from what she had to say...I get the impression she doesn't want much to do with us. Life is a struggle.....I wish I was better at seeing day to day life from an eternal perspective.

God is good though...yesterdays sermon was so touching and God spoke to my heart through it & I pray it spoke to hers. God really is a personal & living God, aware of our hurts. It's hard to imagine going through life without Jesus. I know life is not going to be easy, but difficult if you are a follower of Christ, but to know that you can count on Him and come to him whenever you want...brings such a peace. There are many times when I don't spend the personal time with the Lord, when I know I should. When will I learn that I'm only hurting myself....I'm missing out on much. Yet there are other times that I have an overwhelming desire, that comes out of nowhere, that I just can't wait for a quiet time to run to Him and be with only Him. It is such a secure and loving place to a little child wrapped up in the loving , strong, and secure arms of their daddy.


wifeandmom said...

You know, I so understand this. We've been married 8 years and have encountered this dilemma over and over again and has been so discouraging. I was beginning to think we'd never find something. I encourage you to look outside of where you are. There may be a better place that God has for you. I think that happened to us. I really think He closed all the doors we were knocking on so He could lead us, finally, to the one we are at. Just a thought... I know life is like this though. People will always hurt us and disappoint us. Only God Himself if faithful and will never turn His back. I will be praying for you as I understand that trying to forge relationships with "the people of God" can be really painful when they are so cliquish and unwilling.

His Tender Mercies said...

It's so tough. My husband and I aren't what you call outgoing people. I'm not really shy but I have always found it difficult to fit into "groups". I do better with a few close friends. Thanks so much for responding to this post...sometimes I don't know if I should share these kind of posts..they seem so whiney and critical. I may delete it but I wanted to respond to you before I did.